Why is My Child Always Angry

Parents often complain about their children that they are not behaving properly or they are reacting weirdly to any situation.

In such situations, most of the parents yell and scold them.

But the fact is that some thinking and learning differences make them behave this way.

Let’s consider a scenario: Sorav has planned to go out to play with his friends but suddenly one of his friends cancels the plan due to some upsetting news.

By hearing this he just bangs the phone on the ground.

There goes the mobile into pieces.

You may be thinking what’s the big deal in this, even my child is the same.

Even he becomes angry when something unexpected happens.

Some parents think that it’s in his genes that he becomes angry.

What they don’t realize is that the child is lacking emotional intelligence.

He is not able to understand what situation his friend is in.

What is emotional intelligence?

The author and psychologist Daniel Goleman described Emotional Intelligence in five parts:

  • Self Awareness
  • Self Regulation
  • Motivation
  • Social skill
  • Empathy

Emotional Intelligence is skills associated with considering one’s own and others’ emotions, and the ingenuity to use emotions to guide one’s thinking and actions.

Self-control is one of the parts of emotional intelligence and those children who are high in this are seen to be having more prosocial behavior and can achieve their goals faster.

The American Academy of Pediatrics advised parents not to use technology as a way to calm their children’s emotions.

Children need to practice tolerating others’ behaviors and develop self-control as well as EI.

Ways in which an emotionally intelligent child behaves

  • Can accept criticism and responsibility
  • Can move on after making a mistake
  • Can say no, when he needs to
  • Can share feelings with others
  • Can solve problems in ways that work for everyone

Emotion recognition is an important aspect of EI and a talent that can help children navigate social interactions more effectively.

Kids must first understand and be able to relate to others’ feelings in order to judge the appropriateness of a reaction in a given situation.

Tutors create an effective learning environment with their skills and motivation so that the students become more aware of the subjects.

A good tutor with high Emotional Intelligence motivates their students and understands their behavioral and psychological well-being.

So the schools should prioritize tutors with good emotional intelligence while hiring.

At ANGLE, they have not only created tutor training modules on emotional intelligence but have also imparted the right kind of training.

How can we develop EI in early childhood?

The prominent thing which a child requires is a feeling of a safe environment, where they feel supported and can freely express their emotions.

You can engage them in activities, games, and exercises which are neither too challenging nor too easy.

Try to find out an approach that best suits your child. Each child is different. Some may find questions tricky but some may not.

Let them express emotions

Children are unable to distinguish between their emotions and their ‘selves’.

Accepting rather than rejecting your child’s emotions sends the message to children that some feelings are shameful or inappropriate.

Disappearing their fear or fury will not prevent them from experiencing such emotions, but it may cause them to suppress them.

Repressed feelings do not fade away as easily as feelings that are freely articulated.

They’ve been stuck and trying to find a way out and come out in a way that is not in their conscious control.

Give ears to their feelings

Whether your child is six months or nineteen you must pay attention to their emotions.

They will let them go and move on once they express them.

Once they have expressed you will be surprised to see how friendly and cooperative they have become.

But for that, they need to know that they are totally present and listen to them to make them feel safe.

Problem Solving

Sometimes kids can do things themselves and in some situations, they may need you to brainstorm.

But resist your urge of rushing in and helping them. Instead, let themselves solve it.

It takes practice and modeling on your part to know how to find a constructive solution to problems.

Opportunity to connect

Consider the ties formed when people share difficult situations.

When your child has a meltdown, is cranky, or is having a difficult time in their life, you don’t have to jump for rescue.

It’s simpler to exhibit patience and compassion when you stay calm.

When one person is irritable, there is no way to communicate effectively. Meet their ferocity with your presence, and avoid becoming agitated yourself.

Ask questions

Your child will feel heard and welcomed once you have completed the listening and affirmation process.

They are more willing to admit their own role in a problem and can walk alongside you since they no longer have to defend or excuse themselves.

You can then go on to a point of interest and ask questions to gain a deeper understanding of their situations and see whether they are open to receiving advice or even coming up with solutions to problems.

A good tutor

We all have fond memories of tutors who created an impact on us.

They are always remembered.

Researchers have found out that students with higher emotional intelligence tend to get more grades and better scores than those with lower emotional intelligence scores.

Therefore when selecting tutors utmost care should be made.

Does EI affect academic performance?

With the advent of online education, students have found EI to be a tool to overcome communication problems.

Online classes have made it necessary to communicate with teachers as well as other students in order to assess the content and plan their schedules.

As a result, greater emotional intelligence skills are required to build relationships with teachers in an online environment.

Thus, social and emotional skills have become increasingly important as the new education system involves a higher amount of online content.

At ANGLE, teachers make sure that they are so friendly that they make sure that students can get an opportunity of instant doubt clearance.

Teachers always try to build an interpersonal relationship with students so that the students are able to ask any questions they want.

Like kids, we can all improve our EI abilities simply by identifying how we feel, understanding how we got there, understanding how others feel and why they feel, and putting our emotions into meaningful words when necessary.

About author

Ashique Muhammed

Head of Mathematics Department | Angle Belearn

For the past 12 years, Ashique has been a maths teacher. He leads mathematics department at Angle Belearn. With an A1 mark on both her 10th and 12th board exams, Ashique has an excellent academic record. Along with that, he achieved outstanding results in the All India Engineering Entrance Exam (AIEEE), the State Entrance Exam (KEAM), and the CUSAT entrance exam. With one-on-one instruction, he wants to make math simpler for every learner.

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